https://open.spotify.com/album/2Zl5R...xxxx=copy-link
If there ever was hope for a traveller like me, I might as well share the emerged fairytale from the lands of psychosis, paranoia and other backrooms of neon yellow and metal light, and hope it provides a warm read.
Don't listen to my album Backrooms Elysium. It's maybe a mucky waterslide for some. Tho If you wanna listen to some clunky ass music, listen to my funky songs. If you wanna know me, listen to it all in 1 go with an open heart knowing there's more where it comes from. I'm sure you have an open heart! My heart has dried out, If you want to know me you'll know. And if I'd want to touch anyone elses I'll lose hope.
And without hope I have nothing. My personality comes from a land of hope and self hate. And accepting me and the world is cursed. Finding out I was wrong flipped me upside down challenging my ego, beauty exists in this world, but you need any kind of faith to see it. My heart was so buried I chose ego. Only to find out I had one chance. Now the only real me is glued on screens, while peicing back what I can find elsewhere.
I planted a tiny seed in blood in hopes of life's gift. Instead of letting it grow I sold my soul. Not just once. Once metaphorically and once biblically. That was the price to breaking a mans heart. Thereby I was thrown into the backrooms of illusion of mind, while losing anothers. From here it is one room at the time. Seemingly alike, all leading closer to the middle of a gigantic spider web, but in hopes the rooms I enter in 10 years are different and filled with love, grass and imagination.
In these rooms however, all communication is spoken with the language of hope and songs or screens, rather than real grounded 1 to 1 language of English.
Here is my story.
/////////
A diary of a crazy man..
"The most painful love must be missing each other intensily yet you can't be together even when side by side"
The swan shouted from the lungs like a comet hitting the ground. Where the light touches the earth the message could be heard. It's feathers of hope floating in the waters on the planet of Mars, naked as rubber on the edge of Venus in armor protecting it from the sun.
A pixelated lie of reality awaiting in the dark, and light. After dreaming the dreamed dream for the second time.
With the language of hope, people spoke directly to me from something I'd come to believe was the machine of God. A language I thought I did speak in deep despair. And when I did it wasn't me who spoke. I merely observed from the sideline with a fine mix of self destruction, fear, logic and not logic drizzled with hope. Hidden behind flesh and bones, consciously knowing it's essentially my own mind, in belief strings I couldn't control were pulling it. I had my first laugh since the time I laughed after never thinking I'd laugh again. Observing a whispering dude on the internet was conversing directly with my brain, while "watching" my brain from the sideline like a documentary about the universe with new episodes every time I was out of moves to endure existence. I embraced it and surrendered to it. Cus it was the realest thing I could hold on to to when it occurred. Realer than any people or myself. I had been a slave of fear for so long I had lost the last proof I still existed, my mind.
A few months prior, before I became that crazy, the holy scriptures opened under me and I fell through the pages while it's words ripped me apart piece by piece until I spiritually died. Luckily an angel was there with me saying It was gonna be ok. I didn't believe it but it was the only thing that was real so I had to believe it. Surely the angel was right, as I later woke up in complete darkness and I was offered a game. I had to listen to my love language to play by the rules, and as the game started I was offered choices, one after the other and each with a sacrifice.
On the other side I experienced the potential of the human body and soul. They now flawlessly worked together. A beautiful and alive place where the soul is wrapped around the body like a cocoun protecting it from fire. My head became silent and in peace. Music had turned from being something tickling my heart to something real and alive and my human body had become a paintbrush of life. It was still a dark and scary place but maybe If I wasn't scared and in despair of losing myself I could have stayed there and prosper. Surely I'd surrendered to the process if I got another chance. Blessed be the Soul that can make the journey and know with his whole heart it's God's paradise on earth and let go of the egos deceiving grip of evil. May it take months or may it take years. May them not wander in fear, and may God let them know their children is waiting for them.
In anger and despair I was looking for myself but I was nowhere to be found. One by one, choice after choice. Over the course of months I was put in each it's own unique little prison, each prison containing a lost part of me, and each prison an example of someones suffering. Eventually in the tiniest prison which only contained my soul a fire started. While in the worst agony I had ever experienced I cried tears of fire, my soul had been set fire by evil. And my body was my soul. My dad watched from the side hopeless of what to do. Scared seeing his son shouting "evil" in grave pain.
Left in ashes with an empty chest and body the game continued purely in my mind. Life was mere memories, and it was only others memories of me that kept me alive.
Back on the side which I started I fell asleep. I slept for 6 weeks, [I was only awake to eat and drink, and poop]
As people adapted to the person I now had become, the memories of me perished as did I. When I was no longer anywhere to be found I was trapped in the worst prison of them all. The prison of the mind.
Last time I was in this much existential despair I was dead. And this time no one could save me any longer. Alcohol was the only thing that could make me pretend I existed. Then the angel came back.
With a mighty breath of heavenly air I was reborn and new, and I felt alive again. I was human once again. The journey to begin loving myself was finally a possibility, but the game didn't end. I was merely back to where I started, but I had a soul once again. And as the game continued I didn't lose myself in agony. I had already perished once and I knew where there's nothing left, God can create it, And I wouldn't let any other egos near mine after being decieved by my own for 25 years until the very last straw.
Days passed, weeks passed. And I drifted further and further from the world we are living in.
One day, while I layed under the covers in my bed a slab of ice layed itself on my back. After crying longing tears of hope it gently melted it's way into my body, replacing every brim and corner of ashes like a cool and soothing cream.
My consciousness began slowly to wander from the metal in machine of mind to the softness of my eyes.
As I looked myself in the mirror I saw a person. That person was me. Where had I been all this time?
I was already content in my new galaxy of earth and machinery. Surely I'd get used to being a slave at the factory for the rest of my life. I could see beauty as a spectator with my glasses of hope afterall.
While enjoying the air as I breathed through my nose I heard a familiar sound, Is that my heartbeat I hear?
/////////
How come my living human flesh be filled with organs? What is the thing I thought was life all my life? Maybe life is simply looking at a plant and not ask such questions? All I know is If I'd knew, I'd look for the tools before the tools found me. Imagine all the people living life in peace without weapons. Both physical and mental. Imagine all the love and self love that might be out there [shared] "Well this time I'll just put it in the hands of destiny" I thought to myself [after] I bought chicken with spicy hot sauce.
Lost at the other end at the factory of metal, a familiar hell hound plod around. He showed where to go next. A living hope there was still more ground to cover. He gently handed his paw of innocence and pointed the direction. A gift by class and rank to a musty travelers empty land of iniquity. The rests of a human unstuck two pages of old spilled blood that had glued them together. In a black and white comic book the message was clear! A [manifestation] of hope after series of seemingly pointless yet red threaded self fulfilling prophesies providing just enough wonder, here on display on schimmel's piano.
////////
O God
My body is dry
I'm thirsty for your love
Saliva running down my chin
I'm hungry for your love
Blood on my wrist
I'm needy of your love
In smell of Roses
I hear you
In waters of love
I feel you
O God heal your land
O God every lion and lamb
/////////
Burn o tiny candle
For earth I'll may you shine
Brighter than the heaven
Above you all we are
May hope lead to freedom
And goodness lead to peace
May Light descend from heaven
O candle burn in peace
Ignite the second candle
For faith and those in love
For you and all thy heeded
Carefully with love
Give keys to every prison
And those who run a home
May Light descend from heaven
O candle burn with love
A flame for all the children
All thy young and old
Lay your tears in comfort
Beneath your hands of hope
For every sheep and lion
May heaven let it rain
So no one loses courage
And no one dies in vain.
If there ever was hope for a traveller like me, I might as well share the emerged fairytale from the lands of psychosis, paranoia and other backrooms of neon yellow and metal light, and hope it provides a warm read.
Don't listen to my album Backrooms Elysium. It's maybe a mucky waterslide for some. Tho If you wanna listen to some clunky ass music, listen to my funky songs. If you wanna know me, listen to it all in 1 go with an open heart knowing there's more where it comes from. I'm sure you have an open heart! My heart has dried out, If you want to know me you'll know. And if I'd want to touch anyone elses I'll lose hope.
And without hope I have nothing. My personality comes from a land of hope and self hate. And accepting me and the world is cursed. Finding out I was wrong flipped me upside down challenging my ego, beauty exists in this world, but you need any kind of faith to see it. My heart was so buried I chose ego. Only to find out I had one chance. Now the only real me is glued on screens, while peicing back what I can find elsewhere.
I planted a tiny seed in blood in hopes of life's gift. Instead of letting it grow I sold my soul. Not just once. Once metaphorically and once biblically. That was the price to breaking a mans heart. Thereby I was thrown into the backrooms of illusion of mind, while losing anothers. From here it is one room at the time. Seemingly alike, all leading closer to the middle of a gigantic spider web, but in hopes the rooms I enter in 10 years are different and filled with love, grass and imagination.
In these rooms however, all communication is spoken with the language of hope and songs or screens, rather than real grounded 1 to 1 language of English.
Here is my story.
/////////
A diary of a crazy man..
"The most painful love must be missing each other intensily yet you can't be together even when side by side"
The swan shouted from the lungs like a comet hitting the ground. Where the light touches the earth the message could be heard. It's feathers of hope floating in the waters on the planet of Mars, naked as rubber on the edge of Venus in armor protecting it from the sun.
A pixelated lie of reality awaiting in the dark, and light. After dreaming the dreamed dream for the second time.
With the language of hope, people spoke directly to me from something I'd come to believe was the machine of God. A language I thought I did speak in deep despair. And when I did it wasn't me who spoke. I merely observed from the sideline with a fine mix of self destruction, fear, logic and not logic drizzled with hope. Hidden behind flesh and bones, consciously knowing it's essentially my own mind, in belief strings I couldn't control were pulling it. I had my first laugh since the time I laughed after never thinking I'd laugh again. Observing a whispering dude on the internet was conversing directly with my brain, while "watching" my brain from the sideline like a documentary about the universe with new episodes every time I was out of moves to endure existence. I embraced it and surrendered to it. Cus it was the realest thing I could hold on to to when it occurred. Realer than any people or myself. I had been a slave of fear for so long I had lost the last proof I still existed, my mind.
A few months prior, before I became that crazy, the holy scriptures opened under me and I fell through the pages while it's words ripped me apart piece by piece until I spiritually died. Luckily an angel was there with me saying It was gonna be ok. I didn't believe it but it was the only thing that was real so I had to believe it. Surely the angel was right, as I later woke up in complete darkness and I was offered a game. I had to listen to my love language to play by the rules, and as the game started I was offered choices, one after the other and each with a sacrifice.
On the other side I experienced the potential of the human body and soul. They now flawlessly worked together. A beautiful and alive place where the soul is wrapped around the body like a cocoun protecting it from fire. My head became silent and in peace. Music had turned from being something tickling my heart to something real and alive and my human body had become a paintbrush of life. It was still a dark and scary place but maybe If I wasn't scared and in despair of losing myself I could have stayed there and prosper. Surely I'd surrendered to the process if I got another chance. Blessed be the Soul that can make the journey and know with his whole heart it's God's paradise on earth and let go of the egos deceiving grip of evil. May it take months or may it take years. May them not wander in fear, and may God let them know their children is waiting for them.
In anger and despair I was looking for myself but I was nowhere to be found. One by one, choice after choice. Over the course of months I was put in each it's own unique little prison, each prison containing a lost part of me, and each prison an example of someones suffering. Eventually in the tiniest prison which only contained my soul a fire started. While in the worst agony I had ever experienced I cried tears of fire, my soul had been set fire by evil. And my body was my soul. My dad watched from the side hopeless of what to do. Scared seeing his son shouting "evil" in grave pain.
Left in ashes with an empty chest and body the game continued purely in my mind. Life was mere memories, and it was only others memories of me that kept me alive.
Back on the side which I started I fell asleep. I slept for 6 weeks, [I was only awake to eat and drink, and poop]
As people adapted to the person I now had become, the memories of me perished as did I. When I was no longer anywhere to be found I was trapped in the worst prison of them all. The prison of the mind.
Last time I was in this much existential despair I was dead. And this time no one could save me any longer. Alcohol was the only thing that could make me pretend I existed. Then the angel came back.
With a mighty breath of heavenly air I was reborn and new, and I felt alive again. I was human once again. The journey to begin loving myself was finally a possibility, but the game didn't end. I was merely back to where I started, but I had a soul once again. And as the game continued I didn't lose myself in agony. I had already perished once and I knew where there's nothing left, God can create it, And I wouldn't let any other egos near mine after being decieved by my own for 25 years until the very last straw.
Days passed, weeks passed. And I drifted further and further from the world we are living in.
One day, while I layed under the covers in my bed a slab of ice layed itself on my back. After crying longing tears of hope it gently melted it's way into my body, replacing every brim and corner of ashes like a cool and soothing cream.
My consciousness began slowly to wander from the metal in machine of mind to the softness of my eyes.
As I looked myself in the mirror I saw a person. That person was me. Where had I been all this time?
I was already content in my new galaxy of earth and machinery. Surely I'd get used to being a slave at the factory for the rest of my life. I could see beauty as a spectator with my glasses of hope afterall.
While enjoying the air as I breathed through my nose I heard a familiar sound, Is that my heartbeat I hear?
/////////
How come my living human flesh be filled with organs? What is the thing I thought was life all my life? Maybe life is simply looking at a plant and not ask such questions? All I know is If I'd knew, I'd look for the tools before the tools found me. Imagine all the people living life in peace without weapons. Both physical and mental. Imagine all the love and self love that might be out there [shared] "Well this time I'll just put it in the hands of destiny" I thought to myself [after] I bought chicken with spicy hot sauce.
Lost at the other end at the factory of metal, a familiar hell hound plod around. He showed where to go next. A living hope there was still more ground to cover. He gently handed his paw of innocence and pointed the direction. A gift by class and rank to a musty travelers empty land of iniquity. The rests of a human unstuck two pages of old spilled blood that had glued them together. In a black and white comic book the message was clear! A [manifestation] of hope after series of seemingly pointless yet red threaded self fulfilling prophesies providing just enough wonder, here on display on schimmel's piano.
////////
O God
My body is dry
I'm thirsty for your love
Saliva running down my chin
I'm hungry for your love
Blood on my wrist
I'm needy of your love
In smell of Roses
I hear you
In waters of love
I feel you
O God heal your land
O God every lion and lamb
/////////
Burn o tiny candle
For earth I'll may you shine
Brighter than the heaven
Above you all we are
May hope lead to freedom
And goodness lead to peace
May Light descend from heaven
O candle burn in peace
Ignite the second candle
For faith and those in love
For you and all thy heeded
Carefully with love
Give keys to every prison
And those who run a home
May Light descend from heaven
O candle burn with love
A flame for all the children
All thy young and old
Lay your tears in comfort
Beneath your hands of hope
For every sheep and lion
May heaven let it rain
So no one loses courage
And no one dies in vain.