I apologize for the length, but I promise you it will be worth the read...

Well... I had an experience not quite a month ago that awakened me to a path. This experience made me feel as though I needed to take some time away from the nexus, and focus inward on myself and some of my values here on earth. I even created a temporary departure thread explaining this. Thanks to some members in chat I was presented with Hinduism. I learned quite a bit about it, which brought me to Buddhism. Buddhism resonates with my inner being so strongly that I feel I have found something to help guide me in the direction I was already following, more clearly. Not so much in the way that I consider myself on the path to becoming a practicing Buddhist, but it has a very clear explanation how things work psychologically.

This experience that I just had last night, January 12th, shook my very foundation. It rocked my world as to the power of DMT. I really wasn't ready. It was very hard on me mentally. I feel as if this entire time I really had no clue as to how far it goes. I literally don't know if what I have been experiencing in the past were actually breakthroughs, or just VERY low level breakthroughs, or not breakthroughs at all. What I thought were breakthroughs, were very powerful, I had no body and a complete feeling of being somewhere else. Yet, this was much stronger and quite a bit different. Two main things caused it to be very difficult to handle.

1) The place I went to was gods control Panel. And I was god. And if I gave in to it, I would never return to my body and would assume my rightful position, at this control panel, in control of everything.

2) Upon forcing myself out of the experience, due to the unforeseen intensity I felt and fear of never coming back, I was presented with OEV's that can only be explained as "The computer code holding everything together was breaking down". Time had become perceptually so slow that a few minutes seemed like 30+ minutes (while my eyes were open) and I couldn't stop the visuals, I couldn't BE me. I became convinced that I had permafried my brain and would forever have these strong hallucinations of all matter breaking down and coming apart.

This one is going to take some time to integrate. i literally have no idea what to think anymore. Unlike ALL my past experiences, I wasn't overwhelmed by the amount of info, I was one with it. It came from me, into me, it was all me. It made TOO MUCH sense. Anyways, please if you can manage, read my story. I will do the best i can to articulate my experience in the best way that I can. Thank You.
-anrchy


Sitting on my bed I loaded up a small dose. My intent was to have a light breakthrough. Only 4 or 5 scoops (~15-20mg). I laid back and melted it into my GVG. As I waited for a minute I took in the sounds I had playing, some Buddhism meditation song I found on spotify. Flute, playing over the sound of a running creek. I decided now is the time, so I fired up the torch and inhaled the thick vapor.

The onset was kind of normal, maybe a little slower than usual. Definitely not as strong. Visuals were difficult to pick out, very dim. The main theme of this dose was basically they weren't letting me in. I couldn't tell if it was because I didn't take enough or what. I kind of forced myself past what they were showing me and could perceive the most common experience type visuals I have had. Then they started showing me something. They were explaining that something was wrong with my DMT. Something else was in it or it had changed. I toyed with this idea in my head, thinking maybe they are right, it did clump up a little more than usual. The smell and taste seems different too. WTF?
After coming back I decided I wanted to try and dose my other batch, the slightly yellow rather than the white funfest. This time I was going to go bigger, mostly because I didn't want any tolerance to keep me from breaking through.

I laid there for awhile, wanting this to wear off as much as possible. I squinted at the clock and decided it was getting late. I needed to go to bed soon so I should dose now. I got up and started loading my GVG. i think I got a little over zealous with the dose. Instead of the normal even with the sides scoops, they were kind of heaping. I'm not quite sure how many I put in but my best guess is 40mg or possibly more, maybe much more. I melted the DMT into the copper, got up, restarted the Buddhism meditation song, laid back down and cleared my head.

After a short while I lit up the torch and started vaping. As I was heating up the ceramic filter I noticed the GVG filling up VERY thick. I could feel how dense it was in my throat. I also noticed it was vaping a LOT longer than I have ever experienced with my GVG. When I finally cleared it I had a final thought as it started hitting me way harder and way faster than usual, "this might be a little more hardcore than anything I have experienced".

I was instantly gone. There was a slight blackout between being here and going there. i don't remember the transition at all. Definitely blacked out. Then I woke up, but not on earth...

I was jolted awake. What am I seeing? What is going on? Buzzing all around me and through me and I felt as though my orientation was in a horizontal position. The visuals that i could see were looping, the intensity was off the charts. I was having a hard time "being there". Everything was passing into me and out of me over and over again. First thought that came to my mind is, I'm leaving my body behind forever. I was able to pull back a little, to stop the looping. It had scared me for sure. I noticed I was rotating forward a little, into a relaxed sitting/laying position. My ethereal arms outstretched, hands bent down at the wrists, fingers spread apart.

Portals opened up below my hands, white light with some other colors of dots flowing upwards. The portals started spewing out a radiant white energy into a focused point going towards my hands. The energy from all existence started forming into my hands, my fingers inside as if merging with some kind of controls, that governed all existence. My body is made of pure white light energy. I am disconnecting fully from my body never to return. More portals opened up around me, to my sides behind and in front. White light was coming out into a focused point and connecting to me. I'm jacking into this matrix. I'm leaving earth behind to assume control of this connection to everything.

Everything that exists is connecting to my body through this white light. Going into me and flowing out of me. When the connection is almost complete I'm seeing what this is. This is the command post of a god, or of god. It controls all existence, all understanding, all knowledge. By giving up my place on earth in human form, I will be forever connected to this control panel, forever a part of everything. Or possibly waking up in this control panel, somewhere far from earth.

I was completely unable to except this. I wasn't done here, I have emotional attachments to things and people here on earth. I'm not ready for this to be the end of my human form. I pulled out HARD. Thoughts were racing through my mind as I tugged on my umbilical cords that I hadn't yet severed. "I don't want the responsibilities of god. I don't want to be god. I can't be god. I'm not ready for something of that magnitude, no I wont do it!"

BAM. I open my eyes and I'm not yet having open eye visuals. It felt like 90% CEV 10% OEV. This is WAY too intense. I cant quite see my room. my vision is flooded with so much, I cant describe it whatsoever. Except that it seemed like it was stretching away from me and then bouncing back at me, whatever it was I was seeing. Every color, some sort of horizontal design stacked, each stack was a different color. Different shades of orange mostly.

Time is slowed down massively. It feels as though an entire lifetime has just passed. Now that I can see my room a little more clearly, which was difficult due to the fact I had taken out my contacts, I noticed I had some sort of overlay across my entire field of vision. As if I was wearing a computerized helmet, and on the screen it was displaying the computer code of every single atom. every detail of everything I could make out was in a state of constant change. It was like the molecular bonds that hold everything together was glitching out, everything was falling apart and decaying. Nothing made sense. It seemed like I was in the matrix, yet it was breaking down.

I started to speak out loud, saying, "no way i cant handle this. I'm done this needs to stop." I was having a real hard time dealing with how strong the open eye visuals were.
Then i started to panic because it wasn't going away. It seemed like a half hour had passed. It was coming in waves, getting stronger and slightly weaker. Like it was messing with me. I laid in my bed waiting for some sign that it was calming down. Nothing. I waited, still nothing. Finally I got up and my mind was going in and out, I had to struggle to use my brain and critical thinking. I couldn't walk, I tried real hard to look at my alarm clock to see what time it was but it was so distorted that it was just a blur of red with clear fractals inside the red. This scared me.

I started to think that it wasn't going to stop. I imagined that I am permafried. I just messed up, I dosed and am not coming back, ever. I considered that maybe I was still in and that this wasn't real still, but it literally was unmistakeable. I had dosed DMT and now I am never going to be normal ever again. I was extremely distraught. I thought about some things that would be effected by this that are important to me, things that i would never be able to do. I started freaking at this point.

I decided that I need my contacts, to try and make my vision a little more clear. I ran to the bathroom, frantic. Knocking things over trying to see as clear as i could make myself. Unfortunately I forgot in my haste and panic that I cant put my contacts in yet, had just taken them out before the dose and with the hydrogen peroxide style cleaner you have to wait for 6 hours. So in my frantic haste i tried putting a contact in. It wasn't going onto my eye, then it started to sting my eye. Then I realized my problem but tried anyways. I couldn't get it to go in so i put it back and went back to my room.

I decided I need my dad. He was visiting and was asleep in his motorhome parked in my driveway. When I found my shoes I thought for sure I'm screwed for ever. My shoes became smaller, were disintegrating, covered in mold or something, and didn't feel right on my feet. My feet didn't feel right either, I felt like i was getting worse. I was losing it. I stumbled through my house and out the door. I got to the motorhome and had another feeling that this wasn't real, that I might be still laying in my bed. I told myself that was wishful thinking you need to get your dad to help you figure out what to do. As i walked along side the motorhome I could not for the life of me find the main door. When I finally realized where it was located i walked towards it and turned to it just to realize it was still at least 5 ft away still. I again walked towards it and turned to it and the same thing, its still 5 feet away. Finally I reached it but couldn't figure out how to open it. So I ended up knocking and calling for my dad.

When I heard him coming to the door I was slightly relieved and embarrassed at the same time. He opened the door and I walked in and said. "Dad I think I fucked up. I dont know whats going on." He looked confused and I paced around. I told him I took a dose of DMT but this time it was a much different experience. Right then I started observing my visuals, my body sensations ect. I thought wait, i think im coming down a little. The visuals weren't as strong. I told him, "I think I'm gonna be ok but i thought i fried my brain. I need you to be with me for a little bit" "Are you ok" he asks. " yeah I think I am, that was way too heavy. I cant believe, I don't... I am still feeling it a lot. I am hallucinating very strongly still. Not one thing looks normal."

I realized right then, I think I am going to be ok. I am definitely coming down now. He gave me something to drink and accompanied me back into my house. It took a good half hour more to Finally start to feel like a normal come down from DMT.


So now I am sitting here, been awake for two hours the next day. it's 8 am. I'm reflecting back onto my experience and have a better understanding, if that's true at all, of what I went through. Last night after coming down almost completely I wasn't sure that I would ever do DMT again. I'm not so sure about that now, but its definitely going to take me quite awhile before I have the nerve to go back in. I still have a fear that I could jack in and never return. That one is hard to shake.

If you were able to read the whole thing thank you for your time and I hope you enjoyed it. Maybe you can shed some light on my experience. This one has shaken me to the core. One of the strongest thoughts I had was that I went past what has been described as a breakthrough, that possibly this was more than what I have read from every one else's experiences. That this is what DMT is for, for assuming command as god. Or something of that nature. This was WELL beyond what I thought DMT did. Way beyond.