Poster denne her selv om det ikke er så mye teknisk egentlig. Dere med IQ over romtemperatur skjønner humoren i dette. Det er på Engelsk og fryktelig langt. Ikker grill meg for ønsket om og dele dette med alle dere på nff.
The truth about Computers
Have you ever wondered how your computer works? It is so fascinatingly mysterious. All you do is type, or point and click, and inside a million little things happen, and stuff just appears on the screen. But how? The purpose of this article is to teach you, in simple terms, exactly what is really going on inside your computer.
Machines
The first computers where machines. Punch cards, vacuum tubes, and big rooms filled with wires. They could do math at high speed, count things, and sort records, but that was about all. A long way from modern computers, eh? Thats because today, computers arent machines, they are magic. A modern computer is a magic box filled with ceremonial components that traps in a little evil spirit who is forced to work for you.
Thats Not True!
Yes, its really true. Your computer may resemble an appliance in many ways; You have to plug it in... it is roughly box shaped... and, well, the similarity to the other appliances in your house stops there, doesnt it? Computers are marketed as machines, and there are many people who base their whole careers around supporting that claim. A machine, however complex it may be, is something that you can break down into its component parts if you are smart enough, until you can actually understand how it works from the ground up. Not so with computers. Many computer experts will claim to understand how computers work, but if you ever ask one to explain it to you, they will probably start telling you something like this:
"The key point to understanding how a computer works is the concept of abstraction, that there are a multitude of layers of functionality that are built upon each other like bricks in a tower. Semiconductors are etched and treated (or "doped") to form circuits that redirect electrons in specific patterns. These circuits are packaged as ASIC's and Microprocessors (called "chips") and interconnected by buses and traces on a PCB (called a motherboard) in order to implement machine code. Then other PCB's which are designed to comply to some physical interface standard (eg. ATA, AGP, PCI) are inserted into the motherboard, where the Microprocessor can interact with them. These boards are managed by sets of machine code called device drivers (eg. VXD, WDM, SYS) which run in a specially privileged execution mode (e.g. kernel mode, ring 0) designed to allow the OS to manage these. Then as other blocks of machine code called applications and processes run on your system and call the OS API in order to use the system devices, the OS takes turns processing each requests to share devices. When multiple computers are connected across large networks to share processing and data, centralized software components on a server (e.g. COM, RPC, Quake 3) process remote requests. In this way, each layer provides a service to the layer above and below it to make the amazing machine we call the 'Personal Computer'"
-Anonymous Intel Engineer
See? Obviously, he doesnt know how a computer works, but his job depends on people believing that he does.
Magic
When you look at your computer honestly, and accept the fact that it is magic, everything becomes easyer to understand. Its no longer necessary to be well educated about your computer. You dont have to take classes, or buy books, you dont even have to be computer literate. With the proper attitude, anyone can use, maintain, even repair a computer. Just bear these simple principles in mind:
The Computer Is Evil
The core of a computer is a small trapped evil spirit (it is no coincidence that UNIX and LINUX processes are called daemons!) This imp is imprisoned in your computer as punishment for something it did in the netherworld. Generally speaking, the more evil the imp is, the faster the computer is. There are also lesser ghosts and hobgoblins that inhabit the expansion cards and peripherals of your computer. These evil spirits are trapped within the hardware of your computer. Take a screwdriver, open up your computer, and take a look at the circuit boards. They are usually green, and are covered with complex patterns of thin copper lines. These are Circuit Runes, written in arcane and ancient languages that describe the magic spells that bind the imps to the chips. Be very careful with circuits. If you scratch off even the tiniest bit of the runes, the spell will be broken, and the imp will escape. Also note the serial and part numbers printed on the boards. These identify exactly what sort of evil spirit it is, in case you ever have to order a replacement from the factory.
The Computer Hates You
When you hit the keys on your keyboard or click the mouse, little silver needles jab the imp, and force him to do what you want. Your computer is evil in the first place, and this prodding only makes it more angry. As you use the computer, the imp becomes more and more angry, generating heat. This is why your computer contains one or more cooling fans. Without them, the imp would turn the box into a raging inferno. Frequently, your computer will crash, or lock-up, or lose files, or do any number of little things to annoy you. This is just the imp's way of rebelling against you. Dont stand for it! Calling tech support-- or worse yet, taking your computer back to the store for repairs will accomplish nothing except running up a big bill. The best way to deal with a troublesome computer is by shouting and swearing at it. Sometimes physical violence will help show it who is boss. Try leaving it unplugged for a long time to starve it, or disconnect the monitor to blind it. Sometimes it is necessary to delete files that are important to it, just to get back at it for deleting your own files. "is this your VMM32.VXD file? Huh? *DELETE* Haha! take that you dirty little imp! Thatll teach you to crash before I save my spreadsheet!"
You Are Smarter Than The Computer
Computers arent smart, they are just fast. Newer computers arent getting any smarter, they are just able to do stupid things at greater speeds. You are a human being, capable of emotions and rational thought. A computer is only capable of floating point math and crude malice. Never miss an opportunity to remind your computer that you are better than it. Remind it (out loud) that it cant do anything without you controlling it (you can say this to servers too, but they arent likely to believe you). When it does something wrong, tell it is stupid. Tell it is slow too, computers hate that most of all. Get a newspaper, and sit in front of it just to show it how you can look up stock quotes without generating an invalid page fault in module explorer.exe
The Future of Computing
Throw away your MS Office 2000 for Dummies book. Throw away your Learning Java book. The future of computing is not in Data Processing, or Programming, or Information Systems, or Computer Science. Its in Technomancy. Technomancy is the magical art of talking with computers. There are many newly developing fields of technomancy that you can apprentice in to earn big bucks when the false machine-based-culture of the computer world crumbles
Fenestredigitation
Fenestredigitation, the art practiced by Fenestredigitators (or MS Illusionists) is the art of making Windows install on a PC. A skilled Fenestredigitator can start with an unformatted hard drive and transform it into a colorful GUI in less than an hour, and for an encore, reinstall it over and over again half a dozen more times trying to get networking set up.
Open Sourcery
Open Sourcery is the new magical approach to software design that is replacing the old machine-minded methods. Basically, it works like this; Someone sets up a CVS repository and a bug tracking system, and an FTP server, and most importantly a website to state the goals and status of the project. Then as many Open Sourcerers as possible start arguing about what the software should actually do (positive energy), and complaining that it isnt being done fast enough (negative energy). Eventually, the software will write itself, and will continue to evolve itself gradually until it reaches the stage of maturity know to Open Sourcerers as Alpha (which is Latin for "Done"). Occasionally a piece of software will continue to grow beyond the alpha stage until it becomes Beta (which is Latin for "Im bored, lets do something else")
Voodoo Debugging
Both hardware support and software testing can benefit from the skill of Voodoo Debugging. It is very simple. When a problem arises, start changing things randomly. Occasionally re-test the problem, and as soon as it goes away, the last thing you changed becomes the cure. Repeat the last fix on every computer you can find, including and especially ones that never had the problem in the first place. This magic can be aided by chanting such mantras as "I always change this setting in the BIOS and it seems to help"
The truth about Computers
Have you ever wondered how your computer works? It is so fascinatingly mysterious. All you do is type, or point and click, and inside a million little things happen, and stuff just appears on the screen. But how? The purpose of this article is to teach you, in simple terms, exactly what is really going on inside your computer.
Machines
The first computers where machines. Punch cards, vacuum tubes, and big rooms filled with wires. They could do math at high speed, count things, and sort records, but that was about all. A long way from modern computers, eh? Thats because today, computers arent machines, they are magic. A modern computer is a magic box filled with ceremonial components that traps in a little evil spirit who is forced to work for you.
Thats Not True!
Yes, its really true. Your computer may resemble an appliance in many ways; You have to plug it in... it is roughly box shaped... and, well, the similarity to the other appliances in your house stops there, doesnt it? Computers are marketed as machines, and there are many people who base their whole careers around supporting that claim. A machine, however complex it may be, is something that you can break down into its component parts if you are smart enough, until you can actually understand how it works from the ground up. Not so with computers. Many computer experts will claim to understand how computers work, but if you ever ask one to explain it to you, they will probably start telling you something like this:
"The key point to understanding how a computer works is the concept of abstraction, that there are a multitude of layers of functionality that are built upon each other like bricks in a tower. Semiconductors are etched and treated (or "doped") to form circuits that redirect electrons in specific patterns. These circuits are packaged as ASIC's and Microprocessors (called "chips") and interconnected by buses and traces on a PCB (called a motherboard) in order to implement machine code. Then other PCB's which are designed to comply to some physical interface standard (eg. ATA, AGP, PCI) are inserted into the motherboard, where the Microprocessor can interact with them. These boards are managed by sets of machine code called device drivers (eg. VXD, WDM, SYS) which run in a specially privileged execution mode (e.g. kernel mode, ring 0) designed to allow the OS to manage these. Then as other blocks of machine code called applications and processes run on your system and call the OS API in order to use the system devices, the OS takes turns processing each requests to share devices. When multiple computers are connected across large networks to share processing and data, centralized software components on a server (e.g. COM, RPC, Quake 3) process remote requests. In this way, each layer provides a service to the layer above and below it to make the amazing machine we call the 'Personal Computer'"
-Anonymous Intel Engineer
See? Obviously, he doesnt know how a computer works, but his job depends on people believing that he does.
Magic
When you look at your computer honestly, and accept the fact that it is magic, everything becomes easyer to understand. Its no longer necessary to be well educated about your computer. You dont have to take classes, or buy books, you dont even have to be computer literate. With the proper attitude, anyone can use, maintain, even repair a computer. Just bear these simple principles in mind:
The Computer Is Evil
The core of a computer is a small trapped evil spirit (it is no coincidence that UNIX and LINUX processes are called daemons!) This imp is imprisoned in your computer as punishment for something it did in the netherworld. Generally speaking, the more evil the imp is, the faster the computer is. There are also lesser ghosts and hobgoblins that inhabit the expansion cards and peripherals of your computer. These evil spirits are trapped within the hardware of your computer. Take a screwdriver, open up your computer, and take a look at the circuit boards. They are usually green, and are covered with complex patterns of thin copper lines. These are Circuit Runes, written in arcane and ancient languages that describe the magic spells that bind the imps to the chips. Be very careful with circuits. If you scratch off even the tiniest bit of the runes, the spell will be broken, and the imp will escape. Also note the serial and part numbers printed on the boards. These identify exactly what sort of evil spirit it is, in case you ever have to order a replacement from the factory.
The Computer Hates You
When you hit the keys on your keyboard or click the mouse, little silver needles jab the imp, and force him to do what you want. Your computer is evil in the first place, and this prodding only makes it more angry. As you use the computer, the imp becomes more and more angry, generating heat. This is why your computer contains one or more cooling fans. Without them, the imp would turn the box into a raging inferno. Frequently, your computer will crash, or lock-up, or lose files, or do any number of little things to annoy you. This is just the imp's way of rebelling against you. Dont stand for it! Calling tech support-- or worse yet, taking your computer back to the store for repairs will accomplish nothing except running up a big bill. The best way to deal with a troublesome computer is by shouting and swearing at it. Sometimes physical violence will help show it who is boss. Try leaving it unplugged for a long time to starve it, or disconnect the monitor to blind it. Sometimes it is necessary to delete files that are important to it, just to get back at it for deleting your own files. "is this your VMM32.VXD file? Huh? *DELETE* Haha! take that you dirty little imp! Thatll teach you to crash before I save my spreadsheet!"
You Are Smarter Than The Computer
Computers arent smart, they are just fast. Newer computers arent getting any smarter, they are just able to do stupid things at greater speeds. You are a human being, capable of emotions and rational thought. A computer is only capable of floating point math and crude malice. Never miss an opportunity to remind your computer that you are better than it. Remind it (out loud) that it cant do anything without you controlling it (you can say this to servers too, but they arent likely to believe you). When it does something wrong, tell it is stupid. Tell it is slow too, computers hate that most of all. Get a newspaper, and sit in front of it just to show it how you can look up stock quotes without generating an invalid page fault in module explorer.exe
The Future of Computing
Throw away your MS Office 2000 for Dummies book. Throw away your Learning Java book. The future of computing is not in Data Processing, or Programming, or Information Systems, or Computer Science. Its in Technomancy. Technomancy is the magical art of talking with computers. There are many newly developing fields of technomancy that you can apprentice in to earn big bucks when the false machine-based-culture of the computer world crumbles
Fenestredigitation
Fenestredigitation, the art practiced by Fenestredigitators (or MS Illusionists) is the art of making Windows install on a PC. A skilled Fenestredigitator can start with an unformatted hard drive and transform it into a colorful GUI in less than an hour, and for an encore, reinstall it over and over again half a dozen more times trying to get networking set up.
Open Sourcery
Open Sourcery is the new magical approach to software design that is replacing the old machine-minded methods. Basically, it works like this; Someone sets up a CVS repository and a bug tracking system, and an FTP server, and most importantly a website to state the goals and status of the project. Then as many Open Sourcerers as possible start arguing about what the software should actually do (positive energy), and complaining that it isnt being done fast enough (negative energy). Eventually, the software will write itself, and will continue to evolve itself gradually until it reaches the stage of maturity know to Open Sourcerers as Alpha (which is Latin for "Done"). Occasionally a piece of software will continue to grow beyond the alpha stage until it becomes Beta (which is Latin for "Im bored, lets do something else")
Voodoo Debugging
Both hardware support and software testing can benefit from the skill of Voodoo Debugging. It is very simple. When a problem arises, start changing things randomly. Occasionally re-test the problem, and as soon as it goes away, the last thing you changed becomes the cure. Repeat the last fix on every computer you can find, including and especially ones that never had the problem in the first place. This magic can be aided by chanting such mantras as "I always change this setting in the BIOS and it seems to help"
