Fant plutselig noe jeg hadde skrevet for flere år tilbake. Hadde netopp flyttet fra Norge, og satt på hotelrommet den første natta når jeg skrev dette.
Jeg var helt i tåkeland, og hadde ingen å prate med akkurat da, så forsøkte å skrive det på papiret for å motivere meg selv til å tenke mer positivt og bearbeide det negative, noe som fungerte overaskende bra.
Temaet er kjærlighetssorg.
Jeg var helt i tåkeland, og hadde ingen å prate med akkurat da, så forsøkte å skrive det på papiret for å motivere meg selv til å tenke mer positivt og bearbeide det negative, noe som fungerte overaskende bra.
Temaet er kjærlighetssorg.
What happens... when the restart button is suddenly pushed? What happens when you wake up... And notice that this day is different somehow? What happens... when life as you used to know it, or thought you knew suddenly comes to an end?
You knew something was wrong. You felt the creepy sensation of it sneaking up from behind. You knew it all along, still... You weren't willing to accept it, nor prepare for it. The laughter, chatter, the sound of joy and happiness suddenly went quiet. Some people call it phases, a thing that everyone goes through. Been there, done that... Nothing we wouldn't overcome. If it didn't get us already, it only made us stronger. Back to the moment - when you've just woke and look yourself in the mirror thinking; “This ain't right”. The day goes by just like any other day, except for the spooky and quiet atmosphere. Steady... Steady... wait for it... Waaaaaait for it. Bang! There it was. No warning, no hints, no nothing... Just a shock that hit you in the face as if it was a rock being thrown at you. (Well, you saw it coming, you just don't expect it when it happens..)
What about feelings? Complicated? Yes. Easy to understand? Never. Can they die? I'd think so.
So what do you do when the day comes, and the whole world comes crashing down on your shoulders? You shrug, let out a sigh, or even cry. Most people do. I can do the crying part. I can do the “get it over with, and move on” thing. What I can't do are the tears. As soon as you start to cry you feel weak. Your heartbeat starts racing while your breathing escalates. Words become unclear as you stutter and shiver. A huge chain reaction of destructive feelings fuses into one big explosion. “bang” and it's gone just as quickly as it started. Then comes the “mourning part” or, the “feel sorry for yourself while wanting attention but not really wanting it at all part” yatter, yatter, yatter...
The human mind's designed to let go some times. Whether you can control it or not is up to you and you only. Of all the strange habits we have, not letting go of the past is the most stupid one. Why hang on to something, that does you no good if you are only doing it to induce depression or even justify the torment of yourself? Hah... So, all those years with the laughter and smiles, the memories, adventures and experiences ain't worth nothing all of a sudden? Most people are able to clean up this mess... What about the ones who aren’t? I mean, to have someone like friends and / or family comfort you during hard times ain't anything to be ashamed of. Everyone needs someone to tell them that they're there for them, that they are loved and appreciated. There's a fine balance to it, though. Send a man to prison, and he will have walls. Trap a man, inside his own head, and he might get lost.
Memories are our way of keeping track of our time line. To learn, to cherish, to look back and to retrace our steps. They define who we are. Good as bad, they're all there. If people came with a “reset” button in the back of their necks, the world would be a better place? Feel like arguing? Push the reset button. Feel like waging war? Push the button. Simple as that, I think? I mean... I did get a one way ticket to a new destination. Didn’t give myself a choice, really. Now, skip the thoughts of a reset button that would make everything magically disappear. Look yourself in the mirror and ask you; “What good would the button do?” Probably nothing. Forgetting is not the same as moving on, neither is finding a way around it.
Life is but a dream, and the dream is what you make it. Every moment, every second. Just stand your ground and wait for it... Cause one day, you'll be out there living your dream again. The second that happens, and you realize “This is who I am”, you feel stupid for forgetting “who you were” in the first place.
You knew something was wrong. You felt the creepy sensation of it sneaking up from behind. You knew it all along, still... You weren't willing to accept it, nor prepare for it. The laughter, chatter, the sound of joy and happiness suddenly went quiet. Some people call it phases, a thing that everyone goes through. Been there, done that... Nothing we wouldn't overcome. If it didn't get us already, it only made us stronger. Back to the moment - when you've just woke and look yourself in the mirror thinking; “This ain't right”. The day goes by just like any other day, except for the spooky and quiet atmosphere. Steady... Steady... wait for it... Waaaaaait for it. Bang! There it was. No warning, no hints, no nothing... Just a shock that hit you in the face as if it was a rock being thrown at you. (Well, you saw it coming, you just don't expect it when it happens..)
What about feelings? Complicated? Yes. Easy to understand? Never. Can they die? I'd think so.
So what do you do when the day comes, and the whole world comes crashing down on your shoulders? You shrug, let out a sigh, or even cry. Most people do. I can do the crying part. I can do the “get it over with, and move on” thing. What I can't do are the tears. As soon as you start to cry you feel weak. Your heartbeat starts racing while your breathing escalates. Words become unclear as you stutter and shiver. A huge chain reaction of destructive feelings fuses into one big explosion. “bang” and it's gone just as quickly as it started. Then comes the “mourning part” or, the “feel sorry for yourself while wanting attention but not really wanting it at all part” yatter, yatter, yatter...
The human mind's designed to let go some times. Whether you can control it or not is up to you and you only. Of all the strange habits we have, not letting go of the past is the most stupid one. Why hang on to something, that does you no good if you are only doing it to induce depression or even justify the torment of yourself? Hah... So, all those years with the laughter and smiles, the memories, adventures and experiences ain't worth nothing all of a sudden? Most people are able to clean up this mess... What about the ones who aren’t? I mean, to have someone like friends and / or family comfort you during hard times ain't anything to be ashamed of. Everyone needs someone to tell them that they're there for them, that they are loved and appreciated. There's a fine balance to it, though. Send a man to prison, and he will have walls. Trap a man, inside his own head, and he might get lost.
Memories are our way of keeping track of our time line. To learn, to cherish, to look back and to retrace our steps. They define who we are. Good as bad, they're all there. If people came with a “reset” button in the back of their necks, the world would be a better place? Feel like arguing? Push the reset button. Feel like waging war? Push the button. Simple as that, I think? I mean... I did get a one way ticket to a new destination. Didn’t give myself a choice, really. Now, skip the thoughts of a reset button that would make everything magically disappear. Look yourself in the mirror and ask you; “What good would the button do?” Probably nothing. Forgetting is not the same as moving on, neither is finding a way around it.
Life is but a dream, and the dream is what you make it. Every moment, every second. Just stand your ground and wait for it... Cause one day, you'll be out there living your dream again. The second that happens, and you realize “This is who I am”, you feel stupid for forgetting “who you were” in the first place.
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