Hei! Sad to hear you encounter some issues with integration in the Norwegian social system as a Dutch person. Your message comes across as a bit disappointed and frustrated to me. It actually reminds me of my attitude towards Norwegians in the first year I lived in Norway as Dutch person. I hope that my message gives you some cultural understanding and tools to not blame the other, but to see possibilities for yourself as Dutchie in Norway :)

First, compared to in the Netherlands, socializing takes places in social bubbles. You have a bubble for your work, one for your hobby and so on. All are formed through an activity or thing you have in common. If you want to meet get in touch with Norwegians, you have to join a group that comes together for a purpose: Framed activities. I have made a lot of good friends by joining a student organization.

Second, going for a coffee or having dinner together is the outcome of an established friendship, not a means to get to know each other. If you want to meet up with a Norwegian from one of your social bubbles, you need to have a practical reason to meet. Norwegians seem to be a lot more comfortable to hang out if you give them a practical reason; if they can justify why they are doing it. For example: I found this new coffee bar that has amazing coffee. And then also give a practical reason why you only invite them, for example: While we drink coffee we can talk a bit about this project we work on. Do not get personal or show too much emotions. Keep the distance. Keep it equal.

Third, the Dutch culture differs a lot in giving feedback and showing non-verbal communication. In NL, being honest, emotional and direct is highly valued. When communicating similar, I noticed that Norwegians respond in a way that can be interpreted for a Dutch person as feeling personally attacked or overwhelmed. Neither are good when trying to form the basis for a new friendship. Nuance and positive feedback is the key to succeed at for example my work with only Norwegian colleagues. And yes, this takes energy and can feel very tiresome at times.

I very much recommend reading The Social Guidebook to Norway: Friendships and Relationships. And keep in mind that you cannot fight Norwegian culture and values. Just accept them for what they are and try to understand where they come from with an open perspective. And as said, learning the language is the key to integration. Keep your head up, there is a place for you in this society :)